Lance Armstrong speaks openly and honestly with me about how he’s been coping with life after the confession on Oprah, how that experience has shaped him, and what he wished he would have done differently. We also chat about what’s next for the controversial sports icon.
IF - A poem by rudyard kipling
THIS POEM SPEAKS TO THE MOVEMBER FOUNDATION. IT EMBODIES OUR VALUES AND GOALS. CHECK IT OUT, BE INSPIRED AND JOIN THE MOVEMENT.
ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH?
Currently, a narrow and restricted definition of ‘what it means to be a man’ is presented and reinforced to men and boys, by society. This is having a direct and harmful impact on men’s mental health and risk of suicide.
The arrival of Men’s Health Week brings with it an opportunity to think and reflect on any number of issues related to men and their health. I’d like to use the opportunity to talk about a key issue that has a profound effect on both the physical and mental health of men, one that isn’t talked about enough. That is the issue of masculinity.
We know that men tend to compare themselves against a masculine ideal which values power, strength, control and invincibility. This is something that is played out across multiple touch points in a man’s life, from being told at an early age to ‘man up and don’t cry’ in the playground, to the tough guy heroes portrayed in TV and films, to telling your mates in a joking way to “harden the fuck up”. Throughout their lives, society teaches our boys that they need to act tough, show strength and, effectively, be invincible.
Unfortunately, the popular notion of what it is to be a man today can have a devastating effect on an individual’s mental health and well-being. As a society, we’ve attached ourselves to an unhealthy image of what is a “real man”, grounded in outdated perceptions created in the 1940s through to the 1970s.
The world has significantly changed and so must our definition of what it is to be a man. The issue of how we define masculinity is not a gender specific problem; it has implications for both men and women. In order to address this issue in a meaningful way, everyone needs to play a role.
When men believe they are not meeting the standards set for them by society, they can feel a sense of shame and defeat. We know that men are often more reluctant than women to talk about their feelings and less likely to acknowledge the impact of significant life events, such as relationship breakdowns, loss of a job, financial difficulties, or becoming a father on their mental health.
One of the reasons for this is because of the masculine ideal, which is that men should be in control, and never depressed, anxious or unable to cope. The very experience of being distressed or having a mental health problem can be psychologically difficult for men to accept because, according to our societal precepts, they are not supposed to be vulnerable in this way. As a result, too many men are suffering mental illness in silence, unable to ask for help for fear it would make them less of a man. In these situations, suicide can become a valid, possibly rational option for men when coping alone and keeping control of a situation no seems longer possible. That’s when suicide can become the ultimate way of exerting control over the situation.
We have a crisis on our hands that no one is talking about. Suicide is a leading killer of men between 20 to 50 years old; in some countries eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. More service men have taken their lives by suicide than were killed on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan. One man dies by suicide every minute around the world.
Faced with this, it’s easy to make the argument as to why it’s so important that we start having the conversation about redefining masculinity. The hard part is engaging society in these conversations in a meaningful way and getting individuals to look more closely at the beliefs ingrained in them. Like many things in life, it may not be until you’re challenged that you realize that you are in some way, albeit inadvertently, contributing to the issue, by holding on to an out-dated view of masculinity.
We need to redefine what it means to be a modern man. We need to build a society where men and boys don’t feel as though they have failed for not living up to the old school masculine ideal. This means encouraging emotional intelligence in future generations. It means that as men, we need to invest time in building strong support networks with our mates and when those moments in life challenge and test us, instead of internalizing things, we talk about it.
It’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take time. It will require all of us to challenge and change what we think, what we contribute and the way we teach boys about masculinity. But the benefits that will come from this shift in attitude will be life-changing and lead to men who are emotionally aware and take action when it comes to their physical and mental health. These positive outcomes will in turn impact the lives of our daughters, sisters, girlfriends, wives, mothers.
As part of our new men’s health strategy, I’m proud to say that we’ve made a commitment to focus on challenging the negative aspects of masculinity and the impact this can have on mental health and suicide.
Let’s begin the conversation. What are your thoughts on masculinity and the impact it’s having?
N.B. Professor Steve Robertson from Leeds Beckett University has worked with the Movember Foundation to help shape our men’s health strategies; reflected in this opinion piece.
Movember Radio
Movember started with a conversation between my brother and a good mate, it’s a conversation that spawned a global movement, and it’s a conversation that remains one of the most important things we can do for our health.
Unfortunately when it comes to our health, too many men don’t talk, don’t take action and as a result die too young. On average, across the world, men die 6 years earlier than women. Moreover, poor mental health affects men more than women: three quarters of suicides are by men.
Put simply, a conversation can save lives and I'm committed to encouraging men to get talking, that’s why I’m excited about the success of our newly launched podcast Movember Radio. We want men to understand the important role a conversation can have in staying mentally healthy and recognize the need to stay connected with family and friends and talk about the big stuff in life. Things like the break up of a relationship, losing a job, financial troubles or becoming a dad can be tough moments to deal with. A real conversation at times like these in a man’s life can mean the difference between struggling and coping.
It sounds simple – men we need to talk more!
But I know how tough this is; we were raised in a world where men were supposed to be in control, always strong, never weak, always winning. And as a man I don’t want to burden others with my problems. It’s just easier to say “I’m good” when you’re casually asked “How ya doing mate?”
Even though I don’t want to burden my mates with my struggles, I’m here for them if they need me. Unfortunately this is a really common dynamic which we confirmed through some Movember funded research, as guys we are there for our mates but none us will ask for help. Essentially it’s a stand off!
Last year, my good mate Osher Gunsberg and I chatted about breaking this mold to inspire men to talk, and we came up with the idea of Movember Radio - a podcast series where we chat with men who faced different challenges and how they got through it.
I can say that from every episode I’ve learnt something and genuinely feel more empowered to have a conversation that matters. I hope you do too.
Don Draper - lessons for the modern man
Disclaimer: I’m a fan of Mad Men. I can relate to some of the struggles of Don Draper. I’m not a physician. I’m not a psychologist. I’m the co-founder of the Movember Foundation. I’ve dedicated the last 12 years of my life to improving men’s health. The Movember Foundation’s goal is that men live happier, healthier, longer lives.
Don Draper is the ultimate 1960s ad man from AMC’s Mad Men, which came to end today. Don is a man with perfect style. He is supremely confident, cool under pressure, and admired by everyone for his creative genius and ability to close a deal.
Don’s ambition and drive overcame a traumatic childhood and a less than honorable tour of Korea with the US Army. At the height of Don’s success he had everything - a beautiful wife and children, a Manhattan apartment and the ultimate job, a successful leader of his own agency and a legend of his industry. Don was a perfectionist, which seemed to be driven more by what he thought other people expected of him than his own priorities. With that, people came to expect perfection from Don. He was “the man.”
Don, however, was also a man whose emotions were in lockdown, as he obsessed with being successful and in control. As seen in the show’s opening credits, after his success came his spiraling downfall, triggered by a series of events: the loss of his second marriage to Megan, a daughter who disowned him, the decline of his agency, and eventually, the loss of his job.
As men often do, Don masked his depressed state through his many vices, excessive drinking, smoking and womanizing. Like too many middle-aged men today, Don didn’t have any meaningful social connections because he put work and other things ahead of staying connected. With no one to go to, Don isolated himself, which led him to a very dark place.
For all the progress we have made since the 1960s, the idea of what it means to be a man is stuck in that era. The expectation is that men must be a fighter and a winner, a provider and a protector, must be in control at all times and never show vulnerability. If you break any of these rules, accordingly, you’re not a real man.
The power of these kinds of perceived expectations of others can have a very damaging effect on men, particularly when you believe you have fallen short. Don’s self-esteem was perilously dependent on maintaining an impossibly consistent level of success. As we saw with Don, in situations where men feel they have failed, and we all do at some point, we can spiral out of control into depression and even become suicidal.
The situation is compounded by male stereotypes that existed in Don’s world, and still exist in the modern man today. Men, to their detriment, often find it hard to talk about the challenges in their life. This is especially true when they are not coping.
Don’s situation, like so many others, created a compounding effect with seemingly irreversible momentum. This was the combined result of a series of challenging life moments, a sense of failure and shame, excessive alcohol consumption and isolation.
With 3 out of 4 deaths by suicide being men and on average 87 men taking their life each day in the US, we have a crisis on our hands. According to Movember Foundation funded research, men between 35 and 54 are at the greatest risk of isolation and have a higher risk of mental health problems, even suicide. Put simply, we need to act.
So what can the modern man learn from Don Draper?
- Stay connected, make time for your friends, and spend time doing what you enjoy. Bro time is actually really good for your health!
- Work hard but not at the expense of quality time with your friends and family.
- If you know someone who is struggling or isolating himself, make an effort to connect and spend time with him.
- When you experience tough life events, be it a job loss, relationship breakdown, death, or even a positive change, such as becoming a new father, stay connected to those around you. Check in, don’t check out!
- Don Draper didn’t treat women well, he manipulated relationships to fuel his ego and mask his insecurities. If we can breakdown the negative gender stereotypes about men, success, and being in control, then this will have a positive impact on women as well.
- 50% of guys don’t have a good idea of the symptoms of depression*. We all go through tough times when we feel down, but depression is more than this and can result in persistent low mood, increased anger or irritability for weeks or months. Many men wait too long before seeking help for depression. The sooner you seek support, the sooner you can be on the way to recovery.
- Dress with style
- Don’t smoke!
“Is that what you want, or is that what people expect of you?” Don Draper, Season four, The Good News
*based on research taken from The Movember Man files study, conducted in Australia in 2014 and funded by the Movember Foundation.
My Principles of Leadership
During my time as an officer in the Australian military, leadership was a central premise to how we conducted ourselves individually and operated as a team. The foundation for this leadership style was defined by the “Military’s Principles of Leadership”. I’ve always found these principles a valuable reminder, so much so that back in the day I wrote them in my field note book (see pic) to be a constant reminder.
Since my service and through my experience as CEO of the Movember Foundation my leadership style has evolved but is still grounded in many of the military’s principles. I still find it valuable to have a set of Leadership Principles to check in on, which I thought I’d share:
- Lead by example.
- Make sound and timely decisions. Always make the tough calls.
- Know your strengths, weaknesses and always seek self improvement.
- Surround yourself with excellent people, know their strengths, weaknesses, and what motivates them. Your role as a leader is to challenge, coach and inspire them.
- Create a vision that is crystal clear, a plan to get there, equip and resource your team, then empower the team to make it happen.
- Be humble. Ego is a blinding force.
- It is simply impossible to be a great leader without being a great communicator.
- Listen! Stay connected with people at every level of the organization.
The Method: Adam Garone
Aussie. Budding Barista. Mo Bro. Ride along with Movember founder, Adam Garone.
It’s blissfully quiet when we arrive at Adam Garone’s place – a friendly, contemporary townhouse in Marina Del Ray. The sun has just started to creep over the low row of houses perched above the neighboring canal. Garone answers the door in board shorts and several days worth of wiry scruff. “Let’s go to the beach,” he says as he puts on a rash guard. “It’s a nice morning for some paddle boarding. Read more